50 is supposedly the new 30.  Did you hear?  I’m not so sure about that.  It seems that statement is more of a sales pitch to get me to buy more Retinol face creams and buy my clothes from Anthropologie (I do so love the fragrance that wafts over you in their stores!) and Zara so I can still be “sooooo cute” or “you look gorgeous” when meeting friends with the double sided air kiss.  I am a woman in my 50’s.  I don’t think I want to be 30 again.  My body definitely says I’m not 30.  My life experiences tell me I sure as hell am not 30.  So why the pressure to not be my age?  Why does the world tell me not to be me?  Why am I feeling a little lost right now? 

Media is telling me that I am 30 but I don’t feel it.  What happened to the decade of your 50’s?  Did we decide it’s bad?  Honestly, I think it’s that valley between young and old that no one wants to really travel in.  For women especially, it sort of feels like a version of hell on earth.  Yes – it’s bad.  But instead of acknowledging it, we change the narrative to say it’s not soo bad – it’s really just like you are 30….NOT.

I only wish changing the narrative really changed things.  It doesn’t make the fine lines around my lips go away.  I wake up now searching for the best cosmetic surgeons for a lower face lift.  It doesn’t make the roller coaster ride of hormones any easier.  My doctor doesn’t have a clue about the big M.  It doesn’t deal with the new found curves that I am not particularly fond of diminish/go away in the way that they used to.  It doesn’t change the fact that I am too old to really be “in that younger group” and too young to have achieved Helen Mirrin status (Helen Mirrin if you are reading this – it’s a deep compliment).  Sort of like being an awkward freshman in high school.

It’s also a time where the phrase “purpose driven life” has changed for me.  My purpose used to be a mom whose children sort of needed me.  My purpose was a group of colleagues that were interested in my opinion and learning what I had to teach them.  My purpose was growing a business and wealth so that one day I did not have to worry about earning an income and my biggest fear would be not getting the time I wanted on the pickle ball court.  I can’t throw my purpose into grandkids because I don’t have them yet.  I can’t throw my purpose into my business because this generation doesn’t really want to learn from others (people lie) – they have it all figured out.  And well, I haven’t learned to play pickleball yet but I hear it’s fun!

So do I sit here with a little tear in my eye and tell myself – just pretend you’re 30 again?  I can’t.  Mostly because it’s ridiculous.  Come on.  I know I don’t look that hot in Lululemon.  And…all of life’s experiences that I have endured thus far, don’t fit in the pinky of a 30 year old.  So what can I do?  I can write about it.  I can help others begin to know that many of us 50 year old, fantastic women – don’t always feel fantastic.  If you are like me, some days you feel a little lost.  Your life’s purpose needs to change.  But for some of us – that kind of sneaks up on us.   Especially if you are inclined to run at the pace of a bullet train.

So let’s talk about that.  Let’s talk about the interesting journey that one might want to take in their 50’s redefining their purpose, their mission, their goals, their needs and desires for the next 30-40 years of life.   It shouldn’t be a valley but a continued climb up that mountain of life (that was good huh?) to have new goals and ideals there ready for us – when we need them. Pretending that life doesn’t change or won’t change doesn’t help.  Ignoring the issue never makes anything better – it just makes it worse.  I don’t want to be 30 again.  I don’t even really want to look 30 again.  I just need to learn to like the new version of me better.  Onward and upward.

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